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One time I tried to say “take care” after ringing up a customer. I opened my mouth and for some reason I was unable to make a noise except for a very small “t-eh” sound initially and by the time I remembered how to make words I had to shout across the store for them to hear me. What I ended up saying was “Take over!!!” after which they glanced back at me uncomfortably and left without another word.

I am haunted by that interaction to this day.

Took a customer’s order for a latte and wrote his name, Scott, on the cup. I asked him if he wanted it hot or iced. When he told me hot, I promptly announced “Hot for Scott!” to the entire restaurant

Customer questioned my pronouns (I wear a pronoun pin) and told me that it doesn’t make sense. I said that was here to take her order if she’d give it to me? She repeated that they/them doesn’t make sense and I very clearly look like a woman. I asked her, “do I look like a cashier?” In hearing range of my boss

Regular told me about the passing of his dog and I auto-pilot asked if he’d like a pup cup since he usually got one every day. Obviously he did not. Then, instead of apologizing, I suggested he “pour one out” for his deceased dog

One time when I was tabling at an event, after the customer paid for their stuff I meant to ask if it was for a gift, so I could pack it up in the fancy organza pouch instead of the regular bags, but what I actually asked was “Is that for here or to go?”

I have never worked anywhere that required me ever saying that.

We both kinda just bluescreened for a second before I corrected myself and then I had to sit there for a moment to think about what I’d done.

I very recently said “Love you see you bye” to end a call with my boss. I called him back to correct that and he answered to phone still laughing.

I worked for a holistic wellness clinic that was *clinic name* health and wellness. I answered the phone “*Clinic Name* House of Waffles.”

It was 8:30 am, and I was hungry. The patient laughed her ass off.

Originally posted by aperrywilliams

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
(Criminal Minds)

Summary: Weird hours and long nights have you adapt to Spencer’s routine. You swore you will never fall asleep before he is home. He doesn’t like that… 

Word Count: 1.2 k

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You weren’t a night owl per se. Sure, you could stay up until 2 am, watching a movie, playing on your phone, being immersed in a good book. But you preferred to be in bed and dreamland by 11 pm. 

But with the weird schedule that was your boyfriend’s work and the number of times he came home in the middle of the night, you tried to adapt. Staying up longer and meeting the times he comes home. 

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25-35 is such a weird fucking age because you’re 100% a bread-and-butter Standard Edition Millennial but the cool teens are like “ok boomer” because you have a Real Job but the actual Boomers at your job are like “I’m not going to listen to a literal fucking child” as they download 16 self-replicating viruses and meanwhile the Gen Xers are telling you to refinance a mortgage for a house you don’t have and you’re sitting there at the Adults Table with the pretty tasty casserole you cooked because you’ve finally figured out how to do that now but everyone is eating the Boomer’s store-bought macaroni instead and admittedly they do sort of taste similar so it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble of cooking from scratch and you’re trying to comfort the freshly-graduated sobbing 22-year-old next to you because she just woke up here and doesn’t know where she is but you have like maybe 5k dollars in a savings account labelled RETIREMENT that grows approx. twelve cents a year and you keep eating dry macaroni while smiling incomprehensibly and periodically blacking out like ??????????

The worse part is I fail in that too

being in your 20s is like im 17 and i don't know who i am. im 55 curled up with a book. im ancient. i've been here forever. i never left. i'm 5 years old and i'm lost at the supermarket